Dead End...

I feel cold..my heart trembles with guilt and rejection, my mind spins like a wheel. I don't exactly know how to accept the action that I have already made. But I have no choice, but to accept how bitter life is. Yeah, right, "One false move, and one reckless decision can ruin everything..." Like my life now which suffers, because of human nature sins. I never know what I really want, if I want to be free or be imprisoned forever for the trends of existence. Who can help me, if the one that I need most does not even know I cared? Who will answer my heart calling, if the one I have loved with all my heart have suffered because of me...Who will recognize me, when I have caused great pain in the two most important man in my life? Please don't prolong my sufferings, oh Lord....

Wrong Destination

I sat down and wept
When all things changed
For just a glimpse of an eye

I held my breathe
When I saw my very true love
Suddenly became bitter in his heart
When I gave up all,
Just for his sake

I am frigid
Am I numb?
I can’t longer create,
An imaginative masterpiece
That would touch people’s heart

I chose a complicated path
Which I thought the answer
To my unlimited sorrow

Now I lose my way without knowing
My heart is in deep pain
Regret kills…

If this love is really meant
Am I willing to suffer?
And just die in the end…

Thank God that we saved our relationship once more. I thought it would be the ending of our good relationship. Well, now I believe that love is omnipotent. No matter how many difficulties and misunderstandings a relationship has, as long as you love each other fervently, love will always standout.

It's our second year and seventh month of being together as a superior lovers, and I am certain that we'll be stronger and happier each time passes by. If barrier comes again, we just hold each other's hands and face the opposition with great confidence that we would win the game...

Glimpse of my father...

This picture was taken last month in our house. I really love this. It makes me remind of the days when I had no reason to be lonesome, when all I had was a great happiness in my heart. How I miss my father so much... What more could I ever wish for?

I have a great faith now that I would see the sun rise once more in the future. My daddy would finally follow his heart, and would stay where his real family is... I am looking forward to that...

What am I living for?

The light that I'm seeing is vague and latent. Fear enveloped the wholeness of my being. Am I ready to die or not? What if I am in front of God at this moment, would he accept me as his child or I would be denied, because of my sins?

Earthquake struck me fews day ago. I called God for a sudden, because of a fear that it was the ending of my life. I called his name many times, which I didn't summon for so long. Too late huh? I didn't want to regret the actions I made for myself, but yeah I did... It was not too late anyway.

If I had the security by being a Christian, or by just being a follower of Christ, then why my heart is filled with fear, love, and pain knowing I am not definitely a born again in deeds.

If my life would be ended tonight, I wish that God would extend it in a little longer. I want to die, when I already served him with all my might and strength. When I could leave everything for his sake, and when he's the only one I am living for.

This is just my only wish, to live and die for a cause...

Story continuation... (work in progress...)

“How a luscious sweet honey could turn sour? It’s impossible.
I have done all my efforts to forget the sweetness of this flower; to ignore its beauty and its unforgettable fragrance, because in the end, I would be caught to be trapped to my sweetest death. But how can I leave something that gives me happiness? A tender bliss that always gives me hopes a so-called heaven in that regard.”

She has spoken the words of regrets while she talked to her daddy. She thought she made a mistake, but was mistaken. Sometimes men want to change their mind. They want to go back from the start, and alter the decision that has just made.

Her daddy held her hands and talked.

“Baby listen, it is certain in your heart that you have doubts. If you know something is not meant to be, the pursuit of this thing is useless. If the honey has turned sour once, will it not certainly turn sour once more? Once honey has turned sour, it is never sweet again. To address a possibility you did not mention. . . You are young, and you are beautiful, this is not your last opportunity to find the one who is right for you. There is time in the hourglass still. . . If you are sure of neither of your two choices, whether following your heart would perhaps give you contentment, or if you choose the right thing you may have a good future . . . then I will say this once more: There is time in the hourglass still, time has not ran out on you, there will be more opportunities to find the one who is right for you, but will there be other opportunities for a good future?”

How far could a true love go?

I’ve felt frigid inside. My heart beats faster, yet my mind tries to be in the right track. Well, I’ve tried to cope in this critical life. I only have two choices, to win the game or to lose it.

Love is like a bird. No matter how much you love someone; time would come that you have to set him free. I have smothered my very dearest one, because of the fear that he would cheat, that he would sin… but I’ve been awakened that I have no right to control someone’s life. Love is freedom. If he really loves me, he would not fly far, to the point that I would not be in the reach of his eyes.

Today I give him the decisions in our relationship. If we are really meant to be, time would tell...

continuation...love story...

She glances the glass of wine, and drank it. It has been her buddy from the time when she decided to leave her special someone for what everyone called right. She’s already intoxicated; she has felt ache inside her lungs … She vowed her head, and ducked on the table, with three wounding words, “I must move on”

Short story continuation...

“It is so hard to let go of the one you love, but sometimes you have to understand the sequel…the results of your actions, for not all true loves meant to be…”

She waits for the start of the classes. She would be at school again, and might be busy, she would surely forget about the hurtful break up.

MY INFLAMMABLE SPIRIT

Everyone has a personal task to consider. The painter who portrays the picture in his mind, the soldier who fights for his country’s sake and so I am a writer. There is something in me that shout in the depth of my heart that is needed to be heard. If it will remain unheard I would always live yet broken, for there is something that completes the wholeness of me- and that is writing.

One solitary day I woke up with an empty heart craving for silence. My heart was weeping with so much tenderness and a great ache filled her thoughts. I didn’t understand what I needed. My tears were falling down without knowing the reason why.

I heard a very loud noise. I felt worse that my heart started to break into pieces. I felt so weak in my mortal body and pathetic soul, but then I tried to stand still because of the need for survival. I must live, I stammered. Then I asked myself what would be the thing that could make me keep on going in this life?

I kept walking as I continued my lost journey. I tried to find a place where I could find my soul again. There ia a voice inside my heart that cries out.

One unexpected night I had seen the most beautiful spot where my heart felt at ease and contented. It was on the yonder of the ocean above the mountain. I got out my pen and paper. Here I have created my own world and defended my own life. . . my happiness.

Love Story Draft continuation

She always contemplates every moment, and tries to keep in her thoughts these wise words.

"You would never know unless you try. You would never understand till you obey. Till when your eyes will be blind from the voice of your soul? Till when will you live in your greatest doubts?"

It has started when she decided to leave her one and only greatest love. Paranoia runs through her mind. She cannot escape. How can she move on into a new life and do the things she hasn’t done before? How could she live alone when she has lived all her life with her sweet companion?

“We all have a choice. But this choice would give us two things. Live or die…”

-to be continued

Short Poem

Trying to memorize the look of your face
Maybe tomorrow I won’t see
My heart whimpers with love
Wishing your stare would be mine

I’m with someone I love most
But dwell in the memory of your eyes
Every night I walk by the shore with him
I wish you were the one I’m with…

I ducked my head with regrets
Why didn’t I tell my heart?
I just let you went by,
Without even telling I cared…

When can I escape from these thoughts?
My doubts remain stronger
Oh God, please tell me why
Why I search for him every time?

I contemplate to see you one day
In another time or place
I would grab the chance to tell,
The words that haven’t been told…

I’m sorry,
If I was that weak not to fight for you
If only I have a choice
It’s you who I loved…

I asked once more to stop these tears
I should be happy with him and forget you
A mark will stay in my heart forever
Wishing and hoping to hold you even just once…

Short Story Draft

The sun has risen after the darkness, the new day has begun...

Her eyes were tired from tears, and could no longer cry. This day is the day to face the new life that belongs to her, without regrets, except for the seed of hope on her ambiguous heart. She stands once again from the deep fall, and standing straight not looking back. She tries to be numb, for she has no choice but to accept the life that has entrusted to her. Today she must understand her fate, she has to walk by solely her strength, not using her heart.. It is her weakness, her greatest failure… From this day, she would forget things that could just make her fall again.

"We are not from this world, our life is for God and only for God. We live for a task, for a purpose to consider… Our life would just be ruined if we follow our free wills. There is a future that is created for us… "

- to be continued...

Pieces of Thoughts

Great men from the past are widely know at the present time because of their spectacular contributions to the world. I have no ideal what my future holds, or what I would become many years from now. My mind tells me I am a strong individual, with hope and courage in my heart. Fifty years from now I will be old and rational enough to understand the things around me. When this time arrives I would already have achieved my dreams and fulfilled the hopes of my heart because I worked hard to create the life I wanted. Still, I need improvement. change and attainment following the natural inclination of mankind.

There is nothing peculiar about my life at this time. I am just one of the persons who dream to reach out and touch the stars of heaven. I want to be a wanderer of this world, to travel to unknown places and to create my own life. I want to meet different kinds of people and to learn from their experiences. I want to see things from different perspectives, to search for the ultimate causes of everything and to be known as a person with wisdom.

I have passed through many tests of my character in my short life. Many trials have tested my heart and found my courage strong. At this moment I cannot believe I am in this place where I now stand. All I have is courage to stand before the things that have shattered my life and left my heart destitute. Yet, I will live for another day, sure in my heart that I have been bent, but not broken. One day, I will look into the blue sky and I will see the sun rise and know that this day belongs to me.

I have realized that God is the only solution for everything. I am a Christian, firm in my beliefs. No matter how you have pushed yourself and believe in your heart that you can make it through the days, without God in your life, your path is on a strange highway, lost in shadows of nothingness. Now as I stand here, I do not say I am the perfect believer in God, but I have an honesty that dwells in me and courage beside it to see me through the tests I know are yet to come.

Fifty years from this day in my life, I believe I will have already created a masterpiece that will touch the people's hearts. Children will cry at my words and many will read them. Let it be said in the memories of grandmother's that I was an excellent storyteller who used sorrows, truth and happiness to wind her tales. Remember me as one who counted, one who achieved her happiness regardless of the many efforts taken to deprive her of them. Let me stand before you sure in my happiness and know it was my courage that brought me here. Let me be counted as one who is greatly loved and a compatriot of her country.

I am fortunate to be loved by God in spite of being a sinner. I will look into the face of opposition as if it were nothing, because the faith and courage in my heart will allow me to stand and win the fight. Life is good.

New Life

I have seen the things I must consider in my life. The persons around me have let me realize what things I need to attain improvement, and it is change. It has become hidden from me for quite a long time since I have always focused on the things which aren’t merely important.

The task that I know I should do is presented on my face today. It’s the day when I wake up from deep slumber and realize the time that passed when I was given to reckless decisions and wrong actions.

I am enveloped with fear that the persons who trust me would lose their faith and would not give me another chance to start again.

Once more, I have to stand up with confidence and continue with what I have started.“This task is at hand, and the prime time to do it is now for a brighter future.” I hope it is not too late for this change…

I want to thank the persons who have been patient to correct me. They are my mentors who are leading me to the right path. They serve as good models. You know who you are! I am proud of you for molding me into a better person. Thank you for pushing me to do my task and for believing I can make it.

Today is a good day. I can see clearly how beautiful life is. I have a great trust to see the sun rises every morning and face it with a new beginning