She glances the glass of wine, and drank it. It has been her buddy from the time when she decided to leave her special someone for what everyone called right. She’s already intoxicated; she has felt ache inside her lungs … She vowed her head, and ducked on the table, with three wounding words, “I must move on”
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
continuation...love story...
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4 comments:
Good blog! Keep it up.
Have posted a response to your post.
Sanjay.
Hello Jenny,
Thank you for your message. I have posted my perspective on the same. Hope it helps.
Sanjay.
Hello Jenny,
Your blog is good! Keep it up.
Being in love with someone is a celebration of the self. So there is no cure needed here. It is only a matter of being positive about the entire episode. Look at it as a part of one's identity, just as one's job as freelance writer is part of one's identity. Love completes you, makes you whole, but it in itself is not the 'complete' or the 'whole'. There are these other aspects that go towards making you complete.
If he has been hurt by you unintentionally, the best action is to contact him - in person, phone, mail, there are so many communication media available to you nowadays - and apologize! Let him know your feelings, and move on and away from the hurt. Should be that simple, unless there is some complication involved. Which the both of you can solve mutually, can't you?
Hope this helps, Jenny, and all the best,
Sanjay.
Hello Jenny,
Let me introduce you to a school of thought for whom the concept of love is different from what people normally subscribe to. Hopefully, this should give you a new perspective from which to look at your particular situation.
For the subscribers to this school, love is a soul-to-soul connection. The body and the skin and the coitus and the kiss do not matter. And I mean literally, although they would welcome the physical contact if it happens. Which also means that the object of their love may be 9,000 miles away from them - but it does not matter. Which also means that the object of their love may not be in touch with them for years and decades together - but it does not matter. Which also means that they may not have had any contact - either on phone or by mail or by email - for all these years - but it does not matter. All it matters to them is that the object of their love is alive, doing well, and happy in their life. Visualize the implications of this scenario, Jenny, while comparing it with your particular case.
For such people, love happens only once in life: and it is at the deepest level of the soul. There is no other connection with any other individual that they look to establish: they are locked into this one and only connection, never mind if consummation is not possible.
Doesn't impulse ever drive such people to establish contact? Well if it does and if they do call up to say hello, the only motivation is to listen to the voice of the object of their love, and to know that everything is alright. To them, that is the ultimate romantic high - to have listened to the voice of the person they are so much in love with. And they leave it to the judgment of the other party whether to reciprocate or not; there is no "demand" or "expectation" whatsoever. And while doing so, they lead their own lives in the most positive of ways, without taking recourse to any "obsession" or self-hurting thought patterns.
Well, this is one set of values which some people, very few, I know, live by.
Let's compare now with our set of principles with which we drive our love life. We realize that we might be harboring an image, an expectation of how our love should be. We all create this image, thanks to our parents, peers and the prevailing societal culture around us. And it is when the person we think we have fallen in love with does not match the image, that problems begin. So there is this insecurity of losing him. Our sense of insecurity makes us suspect the worse. This continuous suspicion that "he will sin" the moment we let him loose. That he has already cheated on us doesn't help matters, does it? So we smother him so much that he wants to run away! And our low self-esteem adds to the trouble because we do not expect our love life to be any happier. What if this person gets added to our list of failures? So the self-defeat becomes self-perpetuating. And therefore self-fulfilling.
Just visualize for a moment what your perspective would be at the point when the two of you do exchange vows and move in to live together. Will you continue to harbor the same set of feelings? A new set of feelings and emotions will take their place! Which means that your feelings are situation-specific and not permanent.
Should we be trusting? To what extent should the trust go? What will happen to our sense of well-being when the trust is "betrayed"? Where does "mutual love" end and "victimizing" and "self-sacrificing" begin? The answers to these questions emerge when you define for yourself what "love" _exactly_ means to you.
Sorry, I have not given any pat suggestions or solutions. I don't think there are any. But perhaps the perspective should help?
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